Cracks in a photograph

I broke my nose a few years ago and ever since it has not been the same.

Today, I looked in the mirror and the lighting was on it, as it sometimes is, just so that it highlights the break. I got mad and I trie to fix it. I realized it has been years and has already healed crooked, so it would have to be re-broken and fixed. In the end, all I got was a headache.

On the way home from work I started to cry. I cried because I will never have the nose that I had before. When I meet someone, especially for the first time, I position myself [either sitting or standing] so that they are looking me straight on or only on my good side, and I can usually manipulate how I'm sitting so the light can't catch the break.
Most people say they can't notice, but I don't believe it's true for people who actually look.

Then I started crying even harder.
I'm sick. How can I put so much thought into this problem everyday? I'm not even sure it's conscious anymore. Just today I sat down for lunch and I moved my chair slightly so the person to the left of me wouldn't have to look at my awful nose.

But it's not just my nose that I hide, is it? It's my left ear, which I disguise by never wearing my hair up. It's my height, the fact that I'm only 5'8" in reality, which I try to hide by always standing as tall as I can. It's my jutting hipbones, which I never expose unless I have to. Those things are okay, I can hide them. I can't hide my nose.That made me cry harder, still.

It's past being self-critical, I'm actually embarrassed of those things enough to hide them. I would give anything to be one of those girls who thinks she's the most beautiful person in the world, even though she's not - and it's not something she tells herself, it's something she truely believes.
That can't be normal.