Everyday should be a holiday from real

Yesterday was a pretty good day.
It was my dad's birthday, and all the big bosses at work were at some conference in a different state, so there was virtually no work all day except for a few things to copy and two transmittals. In other words, I got paid more than $100 yesterday for sitting on my computer, either going on the internet or writing my story, while trying to look like I was working, but in fact couldn't because there was no work to be done. A pretty good, and slightly boring, situation to be had. I did get to the fifth chapter of my book, though, which is pretty nice, and I'm probably about halfway through. [When I say "book," I really mean a long story that I write for fun when I have too many ideas in my head.]

Dad decided to take me out for sushi, naturally, on his birthday. We took a very long lunch and went to a place in the middle of Worcester. The food was pretty excellent. The guy "found out" it was his birtday and brought him the large sake for the price of the small. For dessert, dad got some banana/ice cream/cookie thing and I couldn't decided between the Green Tea Ice Cream and the Lemon Sorbet. The waitor, who was very sweet, said that I "didn't have to choose" and brought out both for me, which I devoured, for the price of one.
This is definitely not New York.

I spent the rest of the day [obviously] not doing any work, and finished it off with a family dinner/cake and smores at my friend's house.
Successful, no? If only everyday could be so easy.

Tonight... retirement dinner for a Polish man I have never met at some pub in this city, which inevitably means I will be getting home very, very late. Curse you, car pool.


Dear sister [if you're even my sister anymore?],
Please respond to my texts and calls soon. I am coming into New York City tomorrow for the weekend, and I've heard rumors that you might be coming home at the same time?
If your purpose is to avoid me by not ever responding, well that's okay I guess. If you are dead then I guess you have a pretty good excuse, but I'm still angry you didn't tell me first. Since apparently I have to resort to a message on my blog to communicate with you, I will tell you that I am staying with my friend in Jersey - right outside the city - and we'll be coming in to look [and find] an apartment on at least two of the days I will be there. So there it is.
If I see you, which would be nice, then I'll see you. If not, then have fun in the countryside? :(
Love,
Space Alien

You both kicked off your shoes...

Why does everyone assign the blame to other people in the business world? Even if sometimes it's obvious that it was no one's fault.
Also, why are other people blamed when I have a question about how to do something, since I am still fairly new and have not been introduced to everything? It's just a question, I wasn't finding someone else's fault.
I don't like how everyone is so quick to jump on the "It wasn't me!" bandwagon. Geez, if people didn't blame everyone else then it wouldn't be an issue. Most of the time, the reason something can't be found, etc, is because one of the many other large companies we deal with has not sent necessary files or is late with an email. If anything, they should be blamed, not someone internally who is chastised for "not getting on their ass."
It's just so ridiculous.


In other news, due to lack of interesting things, I translated the chorus of Fircracker by Ryan Adams into Japanese with my limited skills:

[Original English]
Well, everybody wants to go forever
I just want to burn out hard and bright
I just want to be your firecracker
And maybe be your baby tonight

[My Japanese]
Oyamaa, minna-san wa eien ni ikitai
Watashi wa muzukashi to higari wo shitai
Watashi wa anata no huaiyakuraka wo aritai
Soshite konya anata no agachan wo aritai

[Translated English]
Well, everyone want to go forever
I want to do it difficult and light
I want to be your firecracker
And want to be your baby tonight

hahaha Not quite the same, eh? Some [or a lot] of it is wrong, but I tried. If you want to fix it, fluent Japanese speakers, feel free!
Next step: the whole song!

You were holding my trust like a child

Yesterday my first paycheck was waiting for me when I got home from work.
It was probably the most genuinely happy moment of the last few weeks. It was also the biggest paycheck I have ever recieved... and it was for just one week. Two weeks from then it will be double.

Right now, I am planning to move into my new apartment around August 12-14. Is there a way to start an apartment lease in the middle of a month? That would be best, as far as when paychecks come, school starts, etc.

If I calculated right [and I stick to the budget I created!], then I will have spending money until the first week of December, without having secured a job yet. That's including my purchases of a hair straightener, digital camera, and iPod; which I think are all necessities in the city. You know.
But I do plan on job hunting the first week I'm in the city, leaving all that leftover as extra spending/leisure money.

I have a plan. I have a plan. I have a plan.
Just watch, I am going to look back at this in late October when the money runs out and not understand where I went wrong...

Inspired by Mary-Kate and Ashley

My twin brother did something really cute today.

I'm fairly protective of him. I'm not sure why, but probably because I was the slightly more outgoing one [though still pretty reserved] and for some reason I made friends easier when we were young. If anyone even says something remotely bad about him that doesn't actually know him, I go into this weird mood where I will just stop the conversation and defend him or walk away altogether.

I've always thought he didn't care about really anything, he's very passive. But today he called me from work and reminded me to do something I had to do. Even though I had already done it, it was still very cute.

Cracks in a photograph

I broke my nose a few years ago and ever since it has not been the same.

Today, I looked in the mirror and the lighting was on it, as it sometimes is, just so that it highlights the break. I got mad and I trie to fix it. I realized it has been years and has already healed crooked, so it would have to be re-broken and fixed. In the end, all I got was a headache.

On the way home from work I started to cry. I cried because I will never have the nose that I had before. When I meet someone, especially for the first time, I position myself [either sitting or standing] so that they are looking me straight on or only on my good side, and I can usually manipulate how I'm sitting so the light can't catch the break.
Most people say they can't notice, but I don't believe it's true for people who actually look.

Then I started crying even harder.
I'm sick. How can I put so much thought into this problem everyday? I'm not even sure it's conscious anymore. Just today I sat down for lunch and I moved my chair slightly so the person to the left of me wouldn't have to look at my awful nose.

But it's not just my nose that I hide, is it? It's my left ear, which I disguise by never wearing my hair up. It's my height, the fact that I'm only 5'8" in reality, which I try to hide by always standing as tall as I can. It's my jutting hipbones, which I never expose unless I have to. Those things are okay, I can hide them. I can't hide my nose.That made me cry harder, still.

It's past being self-critical, I'm actually embarrassed of those things enough to hide them. I would give anything to be one of those girls who thinks she's the most beautiful person in the world, even though she's not - and it's not something she tells herself, it's something she truely believes.
That can't be normal.

You shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you

Someone said this Russian saying to a model acquaintance of mine recently:

"мужик не собака, на кости не бросается."
(a man is not a dog, he doesn't jump at a pile of bones.)

Wow. That would have made me cry in he had said that to me, and she was upset by it.
Would it be socially acceptable if a comment similar to that was made to [or about] an overweight person? No.
Why is there a double standard when it comes to weight?

As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes

I hate this city, perhaps because I associate it with 10-hour work days, ugly buildings, and poorly planned roadways.
I hate this state, simply because it's neither of the places I relate myself to.
I hate these drivers, these awful, dangerous drivers. But I've never had to be a confident driver, anyway.

I want nothing more than to be back in New York, making my almost daily afternoon walk up West Broadway in the sun, and saying "hi" all my friends [Dolce & Gabbana, Ralph Lauren, Prada]. I dream about it. Really.

I keep telling myself I'm just working this town for all it's worth. My plan; I will be out of the office by August 1st, moving into my new apartment in New York with my real-life friends, in Chicago for Lollapalooza on the 3rd with Sara, and job searching when I get back in the city, but with a certain amount of leeway because of this banging summer job.

This will require me to save the money that I am making [with the exceptional purchases of a new digital camera, a plane ticket to Chi-town, and the music festival tickets], and that's possibly what I'm worst at.
How old am I again?

Ladies on the corner want to borrow your smokes

...as if returning em' would do any good.


I mostly made this journal as an incentive to remember to read my sister's journal everyday, but I do plan on updating frequently.

I'm and 18-year old college student. Connecticut is the past, Manhattan is the present. I also hate introductions...